Respect your elders!

“There was no respect for youth when I was young, and now that I am old, there is no respect for age - I missed it coming and going.” John B. Priestly.

I have to admit; there are times when I've felt like that. But that's not why I am writing this.

I doubt that anything I say will change the way some young people look at their elders, but I want to speak out on the topic, just the same. If you do a cursory search on Google for the phrase "respect your elders"- watch out. You'll discover discussion boards where young "punks" rant and rave over things they know nothing about. I guess I shouldn't use the term "punks". I don't want to sound disrespectful of those that are disrespectful.

Sodahead.com is one of the more popular sites for teen discussions. Under the topic, "Should teenagers respect their elders?" many give candid and explicit answers. They also rate what they consider the best answer to the question. The top rated answer..."just respect the ones who show you respect. f**k everybody else." (I added the asterisks)

Now I honestly don't know how to respond to this. I think I see what they are saying, but I also see what they are not seeing. If you took all the answers posted to the question "Should teenagers respect their elders?" and summarized, they would be responding with one word --"WHY?". It appears many young people have no idea why they should respect their elders, and they are honestly asking that question, "Why". Why respect them- on what basis?

I would like to give three reasons why I think we should respect our elders:

Reason #1. Because they deserve it.

I get it. The rebellious, hurting teenager has plenty of reasons why the elderly DO NOT DESERVE respect. They focus on the mistakes and sins they have seen in the lives of those around them over the years AND the hurt they may have experienced as a result. I get it. No one is perfect, and we all are hurt in some way by those around us, even those we love. But take a minute and look at the big picture...look at the positive side of things...

The elderly (and our parents and grand-parents in particular) have given so much for us. They have given many things that we are even unaware of until we ourselves mature enough to recognize it. They are due our heartfelt thanks for all they have sacrificed for us over the years. This is true in a broader sense in society as a whole. Who fought the in the wars that protected our freedoms, developed the medicine that improves our health, built the roads, the bridges, the cities and country we enjoy- the music, the culture, the arts, etc, etc. We didn't do these things. Someone did them for us. Can't we show them a little gratitude? They largely attained the blessings in our home and in our society. We are the recipients of their hard work and right conduct. And beyond all this there is the wisdom that their years of experience has brought them. The young know very little of this. The elderly deserve our respect.

More than mere respect, the young should actually envy those older. Viktor Frankl the German psychiatrist and holocast survival says, "There is no reason to pity old people. Instead, young people should envy them. It is true that the old have no opportunities, no possibilities in the future. But they have more than that. Instead of possibilities in the future, they have realities in the past- the potentialities they have actualized, the meanings they have fulfilled, the values they have realized- and nothing and nobody can ever remove these assets from the past."

“I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect”
George F. Burns quotes (American comedian 1896-1996)

Reason #2- Because we cannot respect ourselves if we do not respect them.

I just returned from a special celebration of my parent's 60th anniversary. My sister, brother, and I presented a "Tribute" to our parents to express our heartfelt thanks for their commitment to each other and to us over the years. We tried to express just how much they have meant to us and to give them the honor they deserve. The highlight of our time together was when Dad shared a comment from his past. When he was a young man his father, my grandfather, had said to him, "You are who you are today because of who I was yesterday." I've been pondering that one.

It's true. So much of who we are is molded and shaped by our parents and grandparents (and other older people in our lives). The values and norms of our family, the style of communicating, the patterns of our relationships, etc., etc. (not to mention the genes). When we disrespect our parents and grandparents, it's almost impossible to respect ourselves. So much of who they were is imbedded in us. We can take medication, psychoanalysis, behavior modification, meditation, and any perspective-changing programs, but without respect for parents (and grandparents) we will not find real self-respect. We will struggle with nagging feelings of inferiority and self-doubt throughout our lives.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. --Rodney Dangerfield

Reason #3- Because the Bible says so.

Scripture speaks clearly to this issue. The Ten Commandments included the command to honor your parents. It's repeated here in the New Testament:

Ephesians 6:
2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”

It's noteworthy that Paul goes on to point out that there is a blessing associated with honoring parents- a long and rewarding life is promised. The Word of God often gives us commands without much explanation. Here we get the extra incentive to realize the a productive and fruitful life is associated with respect for our elders. There are probably many reasons why this is so, but would rather not speculate on what God had in mind when he gaves us this command. Certainly our Creator knows best the inner workings of how we were created. He also knows how we need to run our lives in order for it to function properly. This command is a very important one.

Leviticus 19:
32 “You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the LORD.

Lamentations 5:
12 Princes are hung up by their hands; no respect is shown to the elders.

These two passages show that to honor the elderly is an important standard for individuals and for a society.

Lamentations is written bemoaning the situation of a culture in captivity and decay. One of the qualities mentioned in these mournful pages is that "no respect is shown to the elders." It is a sad state of affairs in any society when the aged are no longer revered. There is tremendous loss when their wisdom, their experience, their ability to endure and overcome is lost to the young.

Romans 13:
7 Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.

Lack of respect for the elderly is not a universal problem. It is most pronounced in the United States.

Since I began my ministry to international students this issue has emerged loud and clear. It is absolutely shocking the difference that many cultures have from our own on this one point. Their respect for older people is still a strong value for most. With internationals we are welcomed into their discussions; our opinions are sought out. They will literally gather around you wanting to know who you are, what you do, and seeking to engage with you meaningfully. Not so with American students.

So what exactly is respect anyway, and what does it mean to "give" it?

Mt 15:4 is where Jesus reminds us to "Honour thy father and mother" Here the Greek term is "timao" and means "to prize, fix a valuation upon, and by implication, to revere".

In Ro 13:7, honor to whom honor is due- the term is similar, "time"- "a value, esteem in the highest degree, or dignity.

It may be impossible to turn the tide of American culture, but we can each do our part- first in our own lives and attitudes, then with those in our families. Teach and encourage our children and grandchildren to show proper respect for all elders, and especially those in our families. By our example and by our teaching to the young, make it an essential priority. Encourage, exhort, teach and train towards this end. To sit passively by and let our loved ones get swept along in the tide of self-centered, rebellious, and disrespectful pop-culture is not an option.