Drifting

As illustrated in my blog entry, "Those That Gasp for Air", I've recognized a certain condition that seems to affect (and infect) us all, myself included.  There is a chronic condition of basic doubt and fear that prevents us from more fully trusting God and resting in His sufficiency.  Although I have indeed "tasted and seen that the Lord is good" (PS 34:8) I have repeatedly drifted from that assurance and slid back to trying to find completeness in other things. There have been times of intense insight and spiritual refreshment over the years, followed by drift. There has consistently been a tendency to look for contentment in other things, like success in ministry, financial security, or family. (Jer 2:13)

This illustrative blog entry from April 5, 2010 captures my experience over the years and to the present day.  Just as it is possible to doubt the sufficiency of the very air we breathe, I've found it possible and commonplace to doubt the very sufficiency of the God who made us and His Son, Jesus Christ.  Galatians 5 verses 22 and 23 gives ample evidence of the fruit of the Spirit expected as the believer walks daily in His power and sufficiency.  My experience has been good in many ways related to the ministry of the Spirit, but I must admit, still intermittent at best.  

I often wonder what wrong thinking guides this drift from a closer walk with God.  It seems it is related to my basic concept of God's very nature.  Do I really believe that He is close?  Do I really believe He cares?  Do I really believe that He is actively involved in my life?  Yes, and no.  I'm sure He is much closer, cares more deeply, and is more heavily involved in my day to day life than I could ever imagine.  But I seem to often live in the netherworld of the in-between.  I would do well to heed Elijah's challenge to the prophets of Baal:

1 Kings 18:21      Elijah came near to all the people and said, “How long will you hesitate between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow Him; but if Baal, follow him.” (NASB95)