How Do We Grow?

If we know our bible, we know that Christ commanded us to "go and make disciples" ... (Mt 28:18-20)

We also know that Paul exhorted mature Christians to take what they had learned and pass it on to others...

      "The things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also." (2 Tim 2:2)

At first glance it appears that growth in the Christian life is a linear, one-on-one process.  Certainly it can be.  But often the disciple learns, not from just one "discipler", but from a variety of sources. Input from pastors, friends, quality books, online articles, Christian concerts, conferences, and mission trips would be a few examples.

One concept that has really helped my wife and I as we seek to build disciples is  "creating an environment for growth".

I Corinthians 3:

6  I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.

There are a variety of people and influences that can have a profound influence on the one you are helping grow to maturity in Christ.  Think of yourself as the conductor who is attempting to "orchestrate" the proper environment.

So what should this environment look like?  What would be the key elements necessary to create an environment for growth?  Here are three we recommend for your consideration:

1. Unconditional Acceptance

I think we all know that there's something magical about the effect that unconditional love and acceptance has on us. Somehow we are set free to grow, to flourish, to take risks, and to blossom in a way that we never can without true acceptance. By withholding acceptance we put a person in a trap. We are controlling the situation in a way that causes obedience more than true growth. In other words, they're simply trying to please us they may not truly be internalizing what we hope they will learn.  Withholding acceptance can actually cause a person to shrivel and die, Abundant acceptance is the sunlight needed in a greenhouse of growth.

II Thessalonians 1:

3  We ought always to give thanks to God for you, brothers, as is right, because your faith is growing abundantly, and the love of every one of you for one another is increasing.

2. Honest Communication

a. Feedback

The second key component in up an environment for growth is honest communication. Growth only occurs when a person is seeing themselves accurately. This is only possible with honest feedback from those around us. We all have blind spots, and those blind spots hamper our growth. True and honest feedback sheds light into those areas of our life that are dark and obscure. 

Secular trainers would tell you that any good training environment involves immediate feedback. This is the model the military uses in training their troops. They go out in small groups. They run the course, and they have trainer/coaches along the way with their clipboards giving the troops immediately feedback on how they are doing on their skills. The troops need this sort of training and so do we as Christians. Often we step out in faith and attempt something new and get no feedback. Its very hard to grow in a nebulous, ambiguous environment. 

Ephesians 4:

15  Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,

b. Sharing emotions

Another form of honest communication that's essential to growth is candid emotional sharing. There are various levels of communication. There is "elevator conversation".  Also "reporting the facts" which would be news, weather, and sports.  There is also the sharing of "judgments"-  how we feel about the latest presidential speech. But real honesty eventually moves to an emotional level. 

Real authenticity is so important in a family that wants to create an environment for growth. If the parents give off an attitude that everything is always sweet and nice and they never express some of their honest frustrations how can the children learn to deal authentically with the lumps and bumps of life? Of course I'm not trying to make a case for grumbling and complaining, just authenticity. Howard Hendricks said if you want your disciple to bleed you have to hemorrhage. What causes you to weep and pound the table? As you walk with Christ and express your deep feelings joy, sorrow,  ecstasy, and frustration it gives those following you a roadmap to follow. Without sharing on a deep emotional level it's very hard for anyone following you to understand how biblical truths become meaningfully integrated into everyday life.

II Corinthians 6:

11  We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open.

3. Personal responsibility

The third element that I think is key to creating an environment for growth is personal responsibility. The Bible has a lot to say about sowing and reaping. It's very hard for anyone to grow when they experience regular bail outs. A great deal of our growth comes from experiencing the consequences of our actions. Of course with young children they have to be protected. But in small ways even at young ages they need to begin to understand that a every action has a consequence.  

Galatians 6:

7  Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.

Any profile of maturity includes the issue of responsibility. Our goal for our disciples whether they be in our family or outside of our family is that they become "fully developed followers of Jesus Christ".  Someone said it well when they said we'd like them to become "independently dependent on Jesus Christ". This point needs to be moderated with children but not with spouses. Too often one spouse takes a parental or overly protective stance with their spouse by constantly bailing them out. They keep that spouse in a childhood mode which causes that spouse to continually depend on the other in a unhealthy way.

Romans 14:

4  Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. 

Apology and Explanation

In conclusion I feel I need to apologize for not covering several important elements for your discipleship environment:  reading and studying God's Word, prayer, modeling the Christian life, the basic disciplines, how to share your faith, the Spirit-filled life, helping learn to resolve conflict, etc.  My purpose here was to simply hit a few of the key components that are equally important to those listed, but often overlooked.  They are also the more relational issues, and less programmatic.  That might be why they are often overlooked.  Certainly discipleship is a HIGHLY RELATIONAL activity, and effective discipleship needs to give special attention to acceptance, honest communication, and personal responsibility.  What do you think?